hello once again

sorry about the monday post thingy. i was stuck at work all day and then when i came home at nite to post, tblog was down due to frequent crappiness from our trusty site administrator, rocky. he sux. yeah.

today's murmurs are ummm let's see here. looks like we have an old people complaint going on. so yeah, i hate most old people, sure. actually, i just hate old people driving. and everybody hates old people driving. recently i've noticed the entire cause of all my traffic woes has been caused by old people. all of the sudden you'll slow down to about 15mph below the speed limit and of course you'll drive around everyone and see that 1 stupid old person will be at the front of the line slowing everyone down. so yeah. screw them and their stupid driving skills.

this one might sound a little lazy but i really hate deposit slips at the bank. i just wanna hand the teller my crappy little check and go "meh!" and they just assume that means "checking! here's my account number..." i can never figure out where to put all the numbers though.. seriously. it's like trying to do a crossword puzzle or something equally frustrating.

oh ok i got the last one. it involves driving again sorta. being a single person who's really lazy and has no cooking abilities, i like to get my fast food on *snap* so i hate when that one car pulls in front of you the second before you get into the drive thru. i don't necessarily hate being cut off, though it's a little annoying. i hate when the lady (and for some reason it's usually a lady) orders like 44 hamburgers and 20 drinks with carriers. seriously, if yer gonna order something huge and annoying, take it inside. us single people gotta eat!

welcome back here monday morning to liberty's kids. due to rocky and his team of cyber geeks, tblog has sucked really bad lately. we don't apologize for their crappy service, however we apologize for the lack of posts. we figured with the server downtime we'd take a tiny break from our constant stream of high quality posts. back to the grind.

the things i hate this week will surely have some some people nodding their heads in agreement. first thing's first. i hate the 8-10 minutes you have to wait to for macaroni and cheese. this just sucks. it's an easy meal, but even the easiest of meals takes too long. when you want mac n cheese, you want it now. and don't even get me started on easymac. as far as i'm concerned, easymac is the devil in food form, besides fat free pringles... and poi.

secondly i hate the color of gold. it's just bleh to me. silver looks much cooler and futuristic. looking futuristic is good, except in the case of all those new cars that put the layers of plastic on the outside to make it look like some big aesthetic improvement.  they're not foolin me!

and last (this one is gonna sound weird) i hate like that old time footage and photos from cities in the early 1900's. With the like "busy life" and the people walking around and the footage is all sped up. honestly, it looks like the people have absolutely nothing to do. They'll just walk up to the camera and look at it, like they have every right to be there. I dunno, it's always bugged me and now i feel just a little bit crazier getting that off my chest.

Stay tuned this week for more adventures and stories from your 5 favorite liberty's kids! oh and FYI, the 400th comment mystery prize can't be awarded to anybody in particular, since it was a newbie comment. Whose alarm clock is set for 5:50? write in and claim thy prize!

i'm happy to see we're off to a semi bumpy start. i apologize on behalf of 4 out of the 5 liberty's kids for the lack of a post from our romantically confused vigilante tuesday blogger. here at liberty's kids we like to deliver when we say we will. you were supposed to be getting a pic from purple mountain's phone cam and some kind of interesting story to go along with it. but you... didn't. so once again, so sorry.

in the meantime, here i am ready to head out to a concert with my pal. but he's running a little behind. always blog when you have spare time, that's my motto. and i guess that's why my posts are so weak. tomorrow's my half birthday, i just realized that.

stay tuned for tomorrow's entry from captain eggs benedict, i assure you it'll be one to look forward to. and i'm expecting something VERY VERY interesting from purple mountain's camera phone to make up for letting down the blogging world. stick around for that whenever we get it. enjoy your evening!

hi there,

welcome to day 1, week 1 of the new features here on liberty's kids! i'm very honored and excited to be bringing the first installment. My segment of course is called minute man's monday murmur. My objective: i'll be writing about things that make me mad, confused, upset, or things that just amuse or befuddle me. But prolly mostly things that make me mad. Today you'll be getting a bit of a double whammy since i have a lot of stored up anger. Let's get started shall we?

I'll risk sounding like a bad stand up comedian, but what's the deal with the yellow dishwashing gloves? Seriously! why do they hafta be yellow? don't tell me it's for seeing your hands in the soapy sink, cuz it's really not hard to see what you're doing. Why not make the gloves clear? or white with a pattern? or for guys, a dignified gray color? Now, i've seen a blue pair of these gloves. But they still look ridiculous. I believe it's time some changes are made before we all quit washing the dishes for fear of the social stigma that goes hand in hand in soapy glove with it.

I'd also like to talk briefly about crime. Not that kind of crime. But preventing crime. Do you all remember mcgruff, the crime fighting dog? Did he actually fight crime? I remember him mostly standing there looking intimidating in a brown trench coat. He'd walk around and generalize homeless people and shifty guys riding the bus. He'd also come across like 7 year old kids doing hardcore crack and he'd warn em that crack was bad for em. For some reason, i also recall him carrying a gun. This seems like an odd thing for a dog to be wielding. But hey, what can we do about it? Take a bite out of crime? Wouldn't crime still be there? Mcgruff should have eaten up crime like he did my couch and homework.

hello there,

i'm here to tell you a little bit about the exciting new features the 5 liberty kids have planned for the world. this week ON TOP of posting on a regular basis we're doing something a little bit more special. each day of the week m-f we'll be bringing specific highlight segments from different members of liberty's kids. i can't tell you exactly what they are, you'll have to tune in. but i can say what day to look for each segment.

monday you'll have to start your week with me, minute man.

tuesday you'll get something interesting from purple mountains.

wednesday is your day with ms. liberty belle.

thursday will bring us some quality time with captain eggs benedict.

friday leaves us with our infamous cartoonist, lando the free.

so you can definitely be looking forward to this week and the weeks to come. as in the profound words of tank from the 1st matrix this is "very exciting times!" also let me remind the world that we'll be giving out a MYSTERY PRIZE for the 400th comment! so don't be shy. oh and don't those puppies just melt yer heart? :p

ladies and gentlemen, it is an HONOR to be writing to you today. i'm in a glorious mood. why? because i have in my posession the biggest BLACKMAIL PICTURE ever. i'll explain. my friend and his family took a trip to minnesota a couple weeks ago for a family reunion. Upon their return they had scraped together a nice little photo album of their trip. I was flipping through the book 2 days ago when i saw a picture that struck me as quite... odd. What i saw initially disturbed me very much, i couldn't believe my eyes. After i snapped out of it, i realized i was looking at solid gold. I had discovered a picture of my friend's 12 year old brother, in a compromising pose. I'm told the picture is very innocent, so i've drawn in arrows to explain it better. My only question now is: WHY WHY WHY would you bend over? why wouldn't you take the candle and see for yourself? *sigh* enjoy!

why do they even make king sized frosted mini wheats? aren't they supposed to be mini? they're IMPOSSIBLE to eat whole without being like some kind of animal that can disconnect its jaw. i just re-read this and i sound like someone doing a seinfeld impression, and a bad one at that.

It was around 1am the previous day when my story took place. Since everyone is up to talking about their bosses. My boss hardly ever checks in on me cuz she's scared of my building. I had overseen a function that had lots of alcohol. So everyone was pretty smashed by the end of the night. The 2 hosts of the party came to me wondering if they could store all their booze in my fridge. I frowned upon that. So they figured they could wake up their friend who had already retired to his room. So it was me, 2 extrememly rich, drunk businessmen and a cart full of alcohol squeeking through the parking lot. We got to room 109 and gave it a knock knock. Nobody answered. This is where it gets sort of entertaining. It went something like this.

*brief silence* ...knock..... "jerry...." knock knock. "jerry open up, you left your notebook back at the meeting." (which he didn't.) They look at each other and laugh. "... jerry c'mon. we just wanna talk for a second." They look at me, standing there behind a cart of booze, uncomfortable. "ummm, i'll go ring his room." i said. So i take off and run to the front desk where the bizarre night front desk guy rings the room. Now, the story on the night dude is short. I know this about him. He's got some crazy cowboy sounding accent that is so rad. And he answers the phone with a 2 second pause then says, in the most soothing of voices. "hotel operator...?" it's almost like he's asking it. anyway, he rang the room and i ran back and the dude finally opened up, boxers and half buttoned shirt. I throw all the alcohol into his room and run back to my office as fast as i could, erasing the memory along the way.

If making fun of music videos is your cup o' tea, then go here for hilarity: http://www.ugo.com/channels/music/featur es/videophile/archive_08_ 02_04.asp" title="http://www.ugo.com/channels/music/featur es/videophile/archive_08_ 02_04.asp" target="_blank"http://www.ugo.com/channels/m...

And tune in later today for a new cartoon featuring Eric "The Hulk" Bana as James Bond.

greetings,

While sitting there at my desk staring at the crappy brown box that is my radio, something occured to me. First of all, i need to explain what sparked the occurance in my head. The radio station played the top 3 fan favorite barenaked ladies songs. I pondered the barenaked ladies band carefully while i sat through that one song that goes "shooobadoobadeebadoobala larapraprap" and that cute one where the fat guy sings back up to the goatee guy and so on. After the 3 song set i came to a conclusion that nobody likes the barenaked ladies. I know only ONE person who enjoys em. I remember asking my friends about the matter, we all discovered nobody really liked em. What was the straw that broke the camel's back? For me, i'd say that stupid chimpanzee song. Or when all the critics back in the day said their album MAROON was totally spectacular and a must have, so we rented it from the library and it was all B- crap pop. I don't have a thing against pop, brendan benson owns the pop world. I just have a thing against chimpanzees.

Captain Eggs Benedict here.  
Just wanted to give ya'll a little story that happened to me 
while out of town last weekend.  I must say that many boys 
sharing a hotel room is very wrong...especially after eating 
a $35 buffet.  My friends and I were all in our Hilton Hotel 
room getting ready for bed, when a silent but violent boof 
found its way into the room...a boof is a fart for those whose
lingo is a little off.  
Yes this boof came from my friend and was so utterly potent, it 
had the rest of us up against the wall on the opposite side of 
the room.  I thought evacuation might have been a possiblity 
when all of a sudden is left as quickly as it came.  Confused I 
looked at my friend who was still complaining about the whole 
incident when it hit me.  At the time of the illustrious gas 
vapor, I was filling up my inflatable matress.  I soon 
realized just what had happend.  The little fan that sucks 
the ambient air into the matress had captured the stench cloud 
as well.  I let my friends in on my little discovery and it was decided 
that instead of reliving the whole experience over again by 
letting the air out, I would just sleep on Nate's boof.  I must
say, it's the first time I have slept on a fart.   The next 
moring, I plugged my nose as I deflated the matress.  I wasn't 
in the mood for a stale dose of...well, you get the picture!

EGGS OUT!

greetings,

i'm here today as your anonymous guidance counselor type guy. except i'm not a hippy like my friend who doesn't wear shoes. here in this horrible place we call tblog (and we all know that t is a cross rocky, no fooling the droves of atheists that hang around this place.) there's a nice little thing to waste worthless tbucks on. it's called featured blogs. dun dun dun. we here at liberty's kids decided it was time to go for the feature. we've been massively overwhelmed with views and comments and tmails sent in over the past 2 weeks that we feel a feature would also be favorable to our world domination, we mean.. umm.. success. yes, that's it. i'll explain the voting process. all you have to do is click right here http://www.tblog.com/featured-blogs.php" title="http://www.tblog.com/featured-blogs.php" target="_blank"http://www.tblog.com/featured... and scroll for the name of liberty and give it a little click. it will bring you an immense feeling of joy and also a feeling of sorrow for those running against us. ha. no, really. atheists and bloggers alike, here's your chance to unite and vote for something we all have in common.... umm blogging.

Why do I think about Star Wars so much these days? Maybe it's because my black and white worldview gels nicely with Star Wars, wherein the bad guys are very clearly bad guys and no one makes any attempt to label them otherwise. They fly around, blowing up planets without the slightest amount of hesitation or remorse just like terrorists, except probably with better hygene. (The Death Star is big enough, it's reasonable to assume all the workers have either a personal shower or access to one.) Regardless, i n Star Wars, no one sits around having mindless debates for hours on end about what motivates and defines the Empire and about how they're really not responsible for their actions because they had unfair trade regulations placed on them by the Galactic Senate.

Another aspect of Star Wars that is interesting is its acknowledgement of, if not God, a higher force in the universe. They call it 'the force,' and it later gets explained away as being 'midichlorions ' in Episode 1, but call it what you will, there is some spirituality in Star Wars. There's the need to be pure of heart and mind to be able to use the force, which, Lucas succinctly explained, also has the ability to predict the future (prophecy), tell you when something is wrong (prompting), and throw pipes and space-boxes at your lightsaber opponent (being a jerk).

I wonder, sometimes at work when I'm spacing out, what real life would be  like if the force existed here. The terrorists and others would certainly embrace the dark side of the force and would conceivably use it to operate the camera when they're making another one of their threat tapes (if Terrorists believe so strongly that their cause is right, why do they always hide their faces in those videos?). Presumably, the rest of us would have access to the light side of the force, but most would be too lazy to properly learn how to use it and its primary function would be to change traffic lights in your favor. Sure, some other people would try to use it on car salesmen or mechanics to get them to be honest about what something really costs, but presumably the car salesmen and mechanics would notice what the customers were doing and would smite them with a blow from their dark-side lightsabers, which is really not good for repeat business.

This is the one and only CAPTAIN EGGS BENEDICT. I know what ya'll are thinking, it's about time, we've really missed him. Anyway, right to the point. Just recently a few of the women in my life have asked me if they are fat. What's the right answer in this situation guys? That's right, tell then they are not fat. Funny thing is about the people who have asked me, they all weigh under 100lbs. Dearie, my grandma even asked me if she was gaining weight.......I told her she weighs as much as her age, 90. She can't get fat if all she has to eat is eggo waffels and a coffee substitute called Pero. So in honor of the ladies who think they are fat, the picture below is what I view as the true fat. Her name is Lucinda, she Michael Moore's wife. Since her husband is sooooooooo into documentaries, just recently both she and good old Mike went to see SUPER SIZE ME. Now instead of being turned off to the heart clogging menu of Mcdonalds, the film had the opposite effect. The Moores both came down with a really wicked MAC ATTACK....comparable to an 8.0 on the RICHTER SCALE. Within days, 4'8" Lucinda broke the 400lbs barrier. Now, if she were to ask me if she was fat, I would have to say, you bet your "BIG MACS," you are!