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| Irv, we were never in aisle 7!!! |
| 09.29.04 (10:47 am) [edit] |
This past weekend I had the joyous opportunity of watching my boss's 5 kids for three days. It's one thing to work up to 5 kids, but it's another thing to be thrown into the frying pan with 5 kids. 2 of which are identical twins who I could only tell apart by memorizing what each of them was wearing each morning.
The first morning I had to get the three youngest up, feed them, dress them, and take them to school. The twins, who are 8, were fairly helpful in directing me to the school. However, I wasn't driving my car, I was in the family Suburban Denali XLT. Meaning, a very big nice suburban. We got to the school and there were about 15 crossing guards, all of which were 10 years old. It was very reminiscent of the movie "Mr. Mom" with it being "North to drop off, south to pick up." But in my case it was "East to drop off, south west to pick up."
Here I was in this big car with 3 little girls all trying to direct me where to drive and yelling out "You're doing it wrong." Finally, I got them to school....safely. After that I had to navigate my way back to their house, which was much more difficult than I had anticipated. Next month I'm watching the kids for 8 days, needless to say they may be walking to school during that time.
And the obligatory photo just for Eggs Benedict.
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| fire in the taco bell |
| 09.27.04 (6:47 pm) [edit] |
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hi, here's yer monday update. i'm writing this under the encouragement, or scorn of the cat captain himself. "write I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY and make that yer post if you have to!" hmmm he invited the gang up the canyon to roast stuff over an oddly built fire while the smoke blew into our eyes. that's what we did. we sat around while nerdy girls sang really really crappy songs on their acoustic guitar, but hey. we got to make jokes and have our clothes smell like campfire smoke so i guess it was worth it. earlier in the day we all went and saw shaun of the dead and it was as funny as i expected it to be. it was a good time killer, a good spend of my 5 bux and good movie. so ha. screw you sky captain people! i can't resist a good romantic comedy, with zombies.
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| THE ULTIMATE ALPHA MALE |
| 09.23.04 (3:49 pm) [edit] |
Howdy to all. I thought I would post a picture of the ultimate alpha male, William Shatner. Liberty Belle would say I'm only posting a picture because I know how..she's right. Ya see the blog posts that contain nothing but stories don't have as many comments and lets be honest folks....ya'll are dissappointed when it's nothing but a mundane, boring text!
I'm posting this picture because a few weeks ago he smiled at me. I was going to make up a song about it just to annoy everyone....I might leave the words. Hmmmmmmmmmmm on second thought, I won't.
Now, I know what you're thinking. Why is he the ultimate alpha male? Because the guy is now 73 and has a 29 year-old wife. All his ladies are like 40 years younger...and hot. Plus he loaded and he just won an Emmy. For further information plese visit williamshatner.com.
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| If you turn x 10, you might learn x4 |
| 09.22.04 (1:35 pm) [edit] |
I must rant about something that's been bugging me for years. I hate it when women turn around and look at you if you're walking behind them!
This has happened to you, the reader, regardless of if you're a guy or a girl. You're just walking down a hall, minding your own business, and you're walking behind a girl. I bet $5,0000,000,000,000 that they will, without fail, no matter what girl it is, turn their head a little and peek back at you. What do they expect they'll see???
For crying out loud, I'm just a guy at work, walking to the same elevator they're walking to. Don't look at me!
Just once, for fun, I'd like to lock eyes with them and have a very sinister expression. Normally I just keep my head down or my eyes unfocused, so that they'll look at me but we won't really connect. Just once I'd like to look at them like this:
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| JEAN-LUC |
| 09.21.04 (2:31 pm) [edit] |
A crazy man is whispering the Bible to himself right next to me....gotta love the public library. Yes it is I EGGS BENEDICT or AXANAR from Captain's Blogs. It has indeed been awhile and for that I would like to give an apology...............NOT. Notwithstanding I do have a small story that has to do with my 34lbs cat JEAN LUC. It was time for his check-up so I had to take him to the vet. Naturally the vet wanted to weigh him which is standard protocol with vets as well. I picked up my cat and placed him on the digital scale and watched, quite entertained and the vets response which was as follows. As the digital readout continued to rise, this is what she exclaimed. "My.................Oh my....................My goodness!." Jean Luc did it again. Of course I still haven't seen him on the ELLEN DEGENERES show yet, maybe I missed it....I wasn't about to watch it everyday. Anywho the vet then went on to say that my cat needed a diet..............I was way ahead of her. Jabba the Cat has been on weight control formula for 4 years now.....nothing. The vet then went on to say that this was bad. Old Jean Luc, now pushing 14 years, is only getting carbohydrates, which I guess puts on the weight. She then said that he needed to go on the CATKINS diet. You can imagine my expression. Yes the ATKINS diet had now been modified for cats...hence CATKINS. She assured me she was serious, so now it's nothing but wet food for my large SASSYS! For all of you that have forgotten...enjoy the magnificence that is my cat!!!!!!!
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| death letter |
| 09.20.04 (10:29 pm) [edit] |
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why hello, i didn't see you there. looks like the no weekend post thing might be the liberty's kids protocol. we all just get lazy, but hey, we meet our weekly demands. today (or i guess it was yesterday, technically) my friends and i were finishing shooting up a short artistic film. we decided getting kicked out of fancy buildings wasn't gonna work for the film, so we headed up to the old school cemetary for some shots. i have to admit it was very serene and quiet up there, even in the middle of the city. there were even like... DEER there. but that's not the point, i don't wanna get sentimental on anyone. but my observation (which we caught on film and what inspired this post) was that there were some really huge tombstone things there. now, i don't wanna sound disrespectful or ignorant or anything of that nature, c'mon we've all had loved ones pass away, so we're all cool to talk about this. but what makes somebody or their family wanna pay for a really huge monument to that person? i know it makes them easy to find, or most popular or something, but why spend all that money? i'm sure they're expensive. today (or yesterday) we saw this huge monumental spire jutting into the air with simply the word "dooley" written at the bottom. wouldn't you wanna say more on that much rock? i guess i'll understand when it's my time. and yeah, here's my shamless plug for all you bored people out there to vote for pictures i've entered in contests. be honest, give them 10's. you know they're good ;p http://www.photos-of-the-year.com/gallery/showgallery.php?stype=2&" title="http://www.photos-of-the-year.com/gallery/showgallery.php?stype=2&" target="_blank"http://www.photos-of-the-year...;si=fatalfame&cat=500 &sort=4&ppuser=25 77
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| Spooky Lucky Charms, not so spooky |
| 09.20.04 (9:23 am) [edit] |
I'll be the first to admit that I am an impulse buyer when it comes to packaging. So naturally when Target was offering Spooky Lucky Charms at a bargain buy of $2, I grabbed a box. Only to get home and open a box of disappointment. The only thing "spooky" they added to the cereal were blue bat marshmallows. How is this scary? They could have changed all the charms to "spooky" themes, but no. Just blue bats. If you ask me, the original box of lucky charms is scarier than what General Mills had to offer. Just take a look for yourself?
That's one creepy leprechaun.
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| Let's Talk Talk about the best dressed man in show biz... |
| 09.17.04 (10:34 am) [edit] |
I've been threatening a picture of Blond Metro-Man Boss Guy and today I couldn't resist. Today is perfect! Today he is wearing something that only a man of his stature could get away with. A pink shirt with a delightfully wild colorful tie.... He is defenitely secure with his hetrosexuality! So here he is, in all his handsomeness:
:wink:
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| New Star Wars DVDs additional scene |
| 09.16.04 (8:19 pm) [edit] |
If you ask me, George Lucas is just getting completely ridiculous with this now. It was one thing to fix a lightsaber shadow here or a special effect there, but he just needs to stop screwing with these films. When will the changes end?
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| Cause for jubilation.. |
| 09.16.04 (12:04 pm) [edit] |
I was informed that I had to blog or I’d be taken into the woods and beaten to a bloody mass of chicken and cheese. So here I blog. I have been on a little bit of a hiatus but I took some pictures while I was gone so no one would be mad.
During my stint I went to see Prince in concert. Here is a photo I took with my phone:
As you can see our seats were great! You could almost see him.
The next night I went to the Dave Matthews Band concert at the same venue. Here are the pictures from that:
   
Our seats weren’t as good as at Prince but the smell of weed on the air was better…. Well obviously that’s just an assumption, of course….. it could have been incense or patchouli.
I’m sorry there are no boobs. I have harnessed my creative pictures, if you will, until further notice. If you would like to see more please contact our board of directors. LB, LF, or MM…. Thank you..
And a mullet for luck… 
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| My life in the MKE is a tragic comedy of poetic verse (do doo doo doo) |
| 09.15.04 (3:46 pm) [edit] |
I had a ton of text for this picture but I think it's funnier on its own...
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| some days i'm content to stay at home |
| 09.14.04 (10:25 pm) [edit] |
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i'm building a box out of wood from the tree that i grew. no, i'm quitting my job. it's today. my 2 month anniversary. it feels like i've been there about 5 years. i can feel the holes in my brain those horrible parties have created. i warned them, "no more parties, they're disgusting. they make me physically ill." they don't care. all they see are big numbers on a paper. but at the cost of what? me and my sanity. you see it flying out the window?
relax, i have a plan. i plan to blog. i'm not really sure what kind of mood i'm in here, so just bear with me. i have 40 hours lined up for me on monday at a little place that sounds easier than normal monkey work. plus i'd get to work there with my best pal. we were speaking today about our fondest memories. like the time i "fired" our boss, TRUMP style. i have no idea how i got away with that. there's also that weird neighborhood kid who always had some kind of meat or candy lining his pockets. i kid you not, a few weeks ago i was offered a "7 year old candy cane" by him.
when did i stop caring about the prizes in the cereal? is it just me? now when i get a prize in my honeycomb, i'm just pissed cuz it takes up space in the garbage can. tell me it's not just me.
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| A bad idea |
| 09.14.04 (3:51 pm) [edit] |
Why you should never start drawing without having a clear idea of what it is you're going to draw:
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| You don't need a picture to make a point....and other reasons we love the Captain |
| 09.14.04 (10:44 am) [edit] |
I'm just blogging today to prove to Eggs Benedict that you don’t need an obligatory photo just because you know how to post pictures. That, and I’m not afraid to post, I just don’t have a whole lot to say.
So I have been watching re-runs of “Chicago Hope” recently on the Discovery Health Channel. The funny thing about the show is that it was the spring board of all medical shows. Half the cast ended up on some other medical show in the future. There’s a nurse who is now a doctor on “ER.” Roma Maffia is an assistant of sorts who is now on “Nip/Tuck.” Then there is the guy who is Bob Kelso on “Scrubs” as an attorney. And the list goes on, those are just the ones I can think of off the top of my head. And....I don’t need a picture to illustrate my point....
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| Joey and the Return of the Liberty's Kids |
| 09.13.04 (5:10 pm) [edit] |
Hello children and welcome back to Liberty's Kids. After a particularly busy August, we all needed a much-deserved break. But with the addition of tonight's much-anticipated cartoon, I'm happy to say we are Back!
However, there have been consequences of being away for so long (a week is a long time in the blog world). For example, my cartoons now apparently look like this:
I was going to do a Blog on Joey but the blight of this cartoon is bound to ruin anything insightful I could have added on the subject. I did watch Joey and I thought it was very very funny, by mainstream standards. By non-mainstream standards, TV doesn't get any funnier than Fox's Arrested Development, but that doesn't return till November.
So Joey and Scrubs it is till then. What does everyone think of Joey? Will he and that kid get along? What about his sister? And that other girl? Why does Joey have no arms in my cartoon? And why does the girl have no body, but instead is just a head balancing precariously on a trapezoid? So many questions.
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| gold into straw |
| 09.12.04 (10:27 pm) [edit] |
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no murmur on this monday. let me think instead. let the reinvention of the world's greatest blog begin. "some days i'm content to stay at home." see you soon. and by soon, i prolly mean something like a day. promise.
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| SLACKERS |
| 09.11.04 (9:32 am) [edit] |
WELL, WELL, WELL............... The rest of my LIBERTY'S KIDS chums are a bunch of slackers. 3 days without a single blog. 3 of you have computers at home and the other one has one @ work. I have to make a trip to the stupid library to post my blogs because I don't have a computer so naturally I'm not included in my slander. Get off your duff's and post!!!! Oh by the way this is a picture I found which fits your new found fear of posting on our blog!
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| The horse/roach/dust/mold farm |
| 09.08.04 (5:23 am) [edit] |
I have to thank my other half, Eggs Benedict for stepping in yesterday and blogging when I was unable. Even though he indian-gave me his waffle maker on Monday, he did blog because I was unable to.
So yesterday I went to the allergist. They decided that I needed 56 tests to determine everything I was allergic to. What happens is this; they prick your back with the liquid form of the allergy and then wait 15 minutes to see if you react. If you are allergic you skin will welt and swell and depending on how allergic you are, it can swell to about the size of a dime.
I tested highly allergic to everything on the list except mold, dust, horses, and roaches. So now I can open up the horse/mold/dust/roach farm that I have always wanted. But I won't be able to feed the horses because I am allergic to alfalfa. So I would have to hire someone to come in and take care of the feeding. Any volunteers?
At least now I can prove that I'm not faking the allergies. Not that anyone was accusing me a faking, but now I have the paper to prove.....
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| BARF!!!!!!!!!!! |
| 09.07.04 (8:46 am) [edit] |
You think this picture is bad????? Quite your complaining. Listen to what happened to me and read on if you dare. I was at the B.Y.U./ NOTRE DAME football game enjoyiong myself when all of a sudden I was craving ice cream. This was a pretty big game so everyone was packed into the rows like a bunch of sardines. My dad and little sis had the tickets to the good seats and I agreed to take the seat where ya have to sit all alone. This set is SMACK right in the middle of the row. Right or left, I had to go through a billion people just to get out. I got up and got my Ice cream and made my way back...people were ticked and way put out that I would even think about making them stand up so I could get by just for ice cream. Nevertheless, I was sitting enjoying my cookies and cream, which was soooooooooooooo good, when suddenly I heard this unearthly gurggle! As soon as I recognized the dreaded body function it was to late. The girl right next to me barfed up her dinner. YUM YUM. Potato, bean and bacon soup. The chilly autumn night added it's splender by making the barf steam in the frigid air as she looked at me with apologetic blood-shot eyes knowing full well she had just made the close fourth quarter a living hell for me. She left, and I decided to try and make the best of it by ignoring the the stench of the frothy, stomach discharge and enjoy my cookies and cream ice cream. Well I coudn't. Everytime I would try and enjoy the taste in my mouth, sitting down wind of this accident would send a reminder whifffff to my nose exclaiming..."No no no you don't, I'm here first and you have to pay attention to me." The worst part was when people got the pungent smell and thought it was my barf. Why, not get up and leave you ask? I had already worn out my pass making people get up and stand so I could get by. Finally a man sitting above warned the man sitting below me that the mass was migrating and was about to get on the back of his coat. He took a garbage back, just in case it rained he could put it on his head, and placed the bag over the barf gently exclaiming...rest in peace! I laughed! So cookies and cream has been ruined for me...just like campbell's vegetable beef soup in the 5th grade when that didn't agree with me..........At least it didn't turn into a complete barf fest like in the movie STAND BY ME!
BRINGING YOU REALLY STUPID OBSERVATIONS FROM AROUND THE WORLD-----I'M EGGS BENEDICT REPORTING!
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| NARC |
| 09.06.04 (2:38 pm) [edit] |
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here i am again to do what i always do. i've been labeled as 'the anger kid' i guess that's right. maybe it's more of a general angst. so this is this week's special LABOR DAY EDITION of the monday murmur. which basically means nothing special at all. the same ol...
i hate how mcdonalds got all hip. like when the crap did they start the rapping thing to attract people to eat their greased up death? tasty death... honestly, just say you have a good hamburger and i should buy lots. you don't hafta rap it to me. you had me with the big mac diddy...
i hate my oldest brother. you know him as lando the free or something clever sounding. he's constantly dragging my name through the mud and criticizing one of my favorite bands, BLANCHE. http://blanchemusic.com" title="http://blanchemusic.com" target="_blank"http://blanchemusic.com we all know he's quite jealous of my FLOWING head of LUSCIOUS HAIR, my trim physique, and my rapist wit. though i don't think pulling a line out of dumb and dumber makes me look any wittier than i already thought i was. basically, my brother poos on everything and everyone and for this, he's a smelly jerk but you gotta give it to him. for a guy who owns MULTIPLE BRITNEY SPEARS cds, he's quite the man's man. :p
last but not least, i hate out dated things that still exist in society. vhs tapes, audio tapes, stairs, regular keyboards that aren't ergonomic, anything yellow, the radio stations that never play my requests, musicians that protest political issues, political blogs, blogs with music, blogs with poetry, the number 93 (yeah really, it's just ugly c'mon.) i also hate regular old cameras, cats (sorry jaron) pancakes (sorry ihop) oh look at the time. i should really be doing something a little more meaningful in my life. heh. HAPPY LABOR DAY! (i know i was happy being the only person in the country who had to work. and yes, i managed to sneak in a 1 hour nap underneath a table. stickin it to the man.)
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| Garden State |
| 09.05.04 (8:47 pm) [edit] |
I decided to esconce myself to "Garden State" the other night, having heard positive reviews of it from various sources. However, it wasn't all fun and games.
For one thing, the language is needlessly bad. It was just a normal story about people hanging out in a small town and reconnecting with friends and family. There was no external conflict whatsoever; it was all internal. So the language was unjustified.
Also, there was some very casual drug use. Like hard drugs, not just doobies and tylenol. "The hard stuff, and I don't mean Robitussin and Nodoze" -Fletch. Do normal people just casually drop acid and do lines of coke? Probably not.
Third, the plot didn't connect very well. This boring unknown actor guy monopolizes the entire movie, and you have no idea what he's doing. In the end, he reveals a large plot hole that my little brother had to explain by making up some kind of imaginary back-story. "Oh well, he must have done this..." Eh I don't buy it. There was nothing in the movie to imply a back-story. It just didn't fit together.
Fourth, Natalie Portman's character was too contrived to be believable. She was massively quirky, and sure, there are people like that, but they just added too much. Quirky family, quirky pets, quirky personality, quirky back-story, blah blah.
What was good about the movie? It was short, and it had good acting by Zach and Natalie, and it had good music and cinematography. The directing was pretty good, except for the massive plot holes and the general wishy-washy fuzziness of the plot, which was that there is no God and you just have to make the most of your life, cos it's the only shot you've got. Yeah yeah, we've been hearing the same thing from athiests forever. Personally, I'm going to dance around and pee on things in my life, because there actually IS an afterlife, and it's sure as heck more interesting than this one. Maybe the movies [i]there[/i] make sense....
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| Oh you Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (x100000000) |
| 09.04.04 (6:41 am) [edit] |
I recently had the (dis)pleasure of re-watching the timeless classic, Chitty Chiity Bang Bang. I'm doing research for a possible article on the 11 most inappropriate children's films ever made, and this was among my candidates, since I remembered, as a kid, that there were some pretty scary parts.
It turns out I was at least half right. The catch is that the weird little fantasy plot of the movie doesn't kick in until about the 70% finished mark. The first 2/3rds of the film, Dick Van Dyke and his girlfriend are singing songs about every 3 minutes. Dick sings a song about breakfast. His girlfriend sings a song about missing him.
It's all for CCBB, who is a crappy car that Dick's kids want him to buy for them. Dick invents some little whistle candies and tries to sell them to his girlfriend's dad, but the whistles call a bunch of dogs who descend on the candy factory, which breaks the deal. Later, Dick invents a haircutting machine that makes people look like troll dolls. That busts, and the victim of the bad haircut chases Dick into a dance troupe who are doing a song. Dick joins them in song (and Beverly Hills Cop 3 totally stole this) and then people give him money. He uses the money to buy CCBB.
After another half an hour of footage or so, in this 2 1/2 hour children's film (can you imagine any child you know these days sitting still for that long?) Dick works on CCBB. He gets it shined up and takes it to the beach with his family in tow, and they all sing the CCBB song. They swim at the (completely deserted but for them) beach, and yet another couple of songs ensue, including about 4 reprises of the CCBB. When Dick spots a boat out in the ocean, he tells the kids a story and the film slips into fantasy mode.
In fantasy mode, CCBB is a magical car that can drive like a speedboat on water and can, of course, fly. The boat has an evil pirate on it who wants to steal CCBB. He steals Dick's father instead, so Dick and gang go after him and sing the CCBB song a few more times. They find him, but he's in the evil land of "Vulgaria," where the evil Baron has outlawed children.
A terrifying child catcher with a long nose comes to find the children. He doesn't find the children. Dick and Girlfriend sneak into the castle to try to rescue Dick's father. They sing a sad song about child slavery. The child catcher lures the children out with candy and catches them and takes them to the castle, where they are imprisoned. Chaos ensues. Dick and Girlfriend infiltrate the castle dressed as toys. The evil Baron, for reasons he will not share with the audience, loves toys. The Baron has a girlfriend who is dressed in very racy lingerie and has her hair in pigtails. The two sing a somewhat kinky song about their mutual love of toys and each other. Dick and Girlfriend make their move. Chaos ensues. All the children that are captured escape and storm the castle. Everyone is reunited, just in time to sing the CCBB song again as they fly back home. The film goes back to the reality version-it was all just a story! The car never could really fly at all? *Or COULD it?* Dick's girlfriend's Dad offers to buy the whistle candies from him because dogs like them, so Dick drives to his girlfriend and proposes and they sing, again, the CCBB song. And how does that go, again?
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| HMMMMMMMM |
| 09.02.04 (2:56 pm) [edit] |
THIS IS HOW I FELT TODAY. I HAVE NOTHING MORE TO SAY.
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| I'm afraid of Tears for Fears |
| 09.02.04 (7:56 am) [edit] |
Last night I was on the phone with Lando the Free. He was teling me about a picture he found online of Tears for Fears for their recent album and how scary this picture was. It's scary because this is how Tears for Fears used to look:
Here is how they look now:
I'm going to cry myself to sleep tonight because of how scary this picture is. What happened to Roland and Kirt after all these years? It looks like they have just given up on life....
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| I'm gonna close my eyes, I won't watch the time go by |
| 09.01.04 (9:05 am) [edit] |
In order to prevent any further complications with inappropriate content I have decided to veer from my normal “boob” photos. I will be sticking to a much less controversial topic that I know almost as much about as boobs--- and the topic is:
Since I have slid into the Wednesday position I will be holding a discussion related to the content of the previous night’s NIP/TUCK. There are several reasons for this….. A- I love the show, I’m addicted and can be held responsible along with my partner in crime (Liberty’s Belle) for getting a lot of others addicted! B – Yes Eggs, Christian Troy is HOT! C- It’s got a lot of everything that makes a show great.
So before I get into the actual Blog content I will tell you about a convo I had with LB last night. She is lucky enough to be able to view NIP/TUCK at an earlier time than me. Our cable is different. I called her to get a short snipit to get me jazzed for the episode. She said that it was back to the NIP/TUCK we fell in love with. I asked if all the porn was gone. She replied, “Well Christian had sex.” When she said that I thought, I cannot think of a single episode that he hasn’t. I may have to go through the archives.
CONTENT:
Here’s something interesting:
The doctor that fixed the girl’s eyes last night looked all too familiar. I couldn’t think of where I knew him from but look: 
It’s this guy: 
It’s Quark from DSN. Correct me if my Star Trek lingo is wrong. I can’t believe me. I’ve only seen a few episodes of that Star Trek and I figured it out. What’s funny is the eye doctor guy acted like Quark just in the form of a human eye doctor.
A OUT.
:roll:
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