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| We're all fine here, everything's fine...how are you? |
| 11.29.04 (4:57 pm) [edit] |
OK I know I normally do cartoons but I found this picture that I had to share. Someone had an all-Star Wars wedding. Here's the pic:
And here's the link to the full wedding album page:
http://www.goldengategarrison.com/gallery/calkinswed" title="http://www.goldengategarrison.com/gallery/calkinswed" target="_blank"http://www.goldengategarrison...
Too funny if you ask me.
In other news, I tried to design my Christmas labels for the year and they didn't turn out very well. I'm going to post these since I think I'm going to take another crack at them. Usually, for Christmas, my family tries to go for creativity in the label department. In the past we've done pictures of each other, cut out letters from magazines, etc. This year, I, of course, will be drawing stupid-looking blog cariactures of everyone, which looked, on the first attempt, like thus:
Hopefully I can come up with something better in the near future...
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| a military journey to mars |
| 11.28.04 (11:59 am) [edit] |
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so i got down to st. george and realized i had no way to get my pictures from the camera to a computer. so now i'm back and i'll be posting some stuff. st. george is like mars. it looks like the surface of mars. nobody knows how to drive, and somehow it was still hot down there. ummm we shopped tons and tons and tons and we ate at the few places i had in mind. however, i was shocked and saddened to see my favorite grilled cheese place, nikos, has been closed down. *sigh* may it rest in peace. ok look here.
but the place does have nice sunsets...
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| CONFUSED? |
| 11.27.04 (11:56 am) [edit] |
Confused at all people? Have you ever felt like this?
Well I have. Not that I want to mate with a mouse, or the mouse from a computer, but sometimes searching for answers in our so-called little mudane lives on earth will make all of us desperate enough to try and make sense out of things that don't. (like that last paragraph) Makes perfect sense to me. So in honor of all the confusion I quote Captain Picard. "YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES YOU JUST HAVE TO BOW AT THE ABSURD."
I rest my my case..... the word BOW. How many meanings does it have.
BOW- you take one on stage
BOW- of a ship
BOW- in a little dolly's hair
How can one word have so many meanings and phonic variations? WHAT THE CRAP?
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| Fa-la-la-la-la |
| 11.26.04 (12:07 pm) [edit] |
Deck the Halls?
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| Love to eat Turkey, Love to eat Tur-ur-keeeeyyy |
| 11.25.04 (6:06 am) [edit] |
"I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There's turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Someone needs to tell the turkey, 'man, just be yourself.'"
-Mitch Hedberg
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| i'm blessed |
| 11.24.04 (1:35 pm) [edit] |
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greetings, it's too bad i hafta post over some good cartoons. and it's not like i post when i'm told to post. let's all remember, i was the liberty kid that started blogging and then everyone just copied me to be cool. so i work lots and lots. and i do stuff with magazines. i didn't realize everybody east of colorado says the letter "R" like "R-uh" it's weird. and hey, i found a couple really really crappy street names. like this one guy in north carolina or south carolina lived on "BEST SAND AND GRAVEL ROAD" or some girl somewhere in georgia lived on "black gum road" who gets to think of street names anyway? geeze. i also go this letter that was a guy who wanted to forward his magazine subscriptions to his friends, and at the end of his letter is said something like "have a blessed day!" kinda weird to say that to a stranger, or anyone for that matter. unless yer.. an apostle or somethin i dunno. ummm what else? oh yeah, city names are really crappy too. moscow, idaho? c'mon! moving right along...
speaking of really crappy cities, i'm taking a trip to the crappiest one ever for thanksgiving. it's called st. george. it's full of people who stare. and well... what else? car lots and motels, that's about it. however, in order to make my trip more interesting for me, and the readers, i'll be documenting the whole thing via my neato camera. so yeah, you'll be updated with pictures and stories and junk a couple times while i'm down there. so stay tuned for that. please enjoy the picture of mr. lightbulb man until further notice from me. have a blessed day!
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| Walkin' in a Winter Wonderland |
| 11.24.04 (12:47 pm) [edit] |
"Later on we'll conspire, as we dream by the fire."
-Winter Wonderland
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| On a cold winter's night |
| 11.23.04 (2:59 pm) [edit] |
"On a Cold Winter's Night that was 'so deep.'"
-THE FIRST NOEL
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| THE BRADY BUNCH BOWL |
| 11.23.04 (10:30 am) [edit] |
A couple of weeks ago I made a small music video based on the music of INTERPOL. Anywho, the video is about a mysterious stranger who prevents a disgruntled teenager from comitting a crime of passion. Anyway, the mysterious stranger is a girl with whom I work named Natalie. The other day, Nate Fackrell, my buddy who helped big time with the project, and I went over to Natalie's apartment to show her the video for the first time. She loooooooved it---she was all screams and giggles. To make a long story short, this girl was packing up all of her roomate's junk because she moved to California. She asked for some help, so I assisted her by packing up all the dishes in the kitchen. While packing these dishes she came in to tell me that her roomate's mother worked on the Brady Bunch and that when the show went off the air, they sold a "BUNCH"....get it...of the items left over from the show. Natalie explained to me that the very dishes I was packing were the same dishes the BRADY BUNCH fam had used throughout the entire run of the series. Totally phsyched I quickly asked if I could eat something from a bowl just to say I had eaten off the same plates...perhaps the same bowl as Marsha. She laughed and gave me some yogurt. I then explained to her how cool it would be to sit and watch my video while eating yogurt from a Brady Bunch bowl. So I did, utterly content. It's the little things that make me happy simply because I'm easily entertained!!!!!!
DID YOU EAT OUT OF MY BOWL CAPTAIN?
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| It's there, by George! |
| 11.22.04 (6:36 pm) [edit] |
Found on the front page of the website for the Liberty Kids' hometown newspaper:
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| Fine Art Shmine Art |
| 11.22.04 (11:56 am) [edit] |
I’m sure you’ve all heard the term “fine art” before, and if you think that it is real art, then I’m afraid I will have to place you in my Chinese water torture device, because like the mad scientist I am, I could consider that a “fine art” piece as well.
This past year I was happy to visit an art and design college that I will be attending one of these years. This school unfortunately has a fine art program in its curriculum, which seems weird since the school is a “design” college. Anyway, I went through the fine art area on display and was not surprised with what I saw. Not much thought and reflection went into a piece I saw which was simply a block of wood with two nails sticking out of it, one nail bent and the other straight. What in all that is somewhat holy made this…this…..”thing” a piece of art. Eventually I had to be escorted out before I smashed this nailed wood with another “fine art” piece (a sticky fly trap attached to a broom hanging from the wall). I don’t what was going through me as I was being dragged out of the area yelling “you’re not human,” and “Kill it, Kill it, before it kills.”
I suppose it’s your fancy if you want to smear peanut butter all over yourself and paint your studio wall with your tasty body, calling the “piece,” a “reflection of your life and the denouncement of corporate America while maintaining a sense of unity between you the square root of your heritage.”
Case in point:
The photo shown below is a Brooklyn-based artist Cosimo Cavallaro regarding his finished work of art, a bed with more than 300 pounds of sliced ham, at a gallery in New York. Cavallaro, 41, the son of immigrants from southern Italy, said the ham is "a pure form of America: all kinds of parts, boiled and pressed together."
 ....I rest my case
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| That's na-cho cheese! |
| 11.21.04 (6:27 am) [edit] |
I went to the movies yesterday to see "The Incredibles" after being advised by everyone I know to view it with haste. But I failed to plan and thus planned to fail in the department of food, and wound up with not enough time to grab some lunch prior to making it to the theatre before it completely filled up with Christmas shoppers.
So, for the first time in years and years, I bought some movie food.
Normally, I hate movie food. It's about 5x too expensive, it's noisy, greasy, and annoying. People are always trying to sneak the little packages open but it just makes it 100x louder than if they just opened it all at once. I've always felt I should be able to last for 2 hours without food.
But yesterday I was starving, so I picked up the least-vile-looking food item there, which was movie nachos.
I haven't had nachos in a long, long, time, so I don't know if my experience was the same as everyone everywhere, but the nachos I had felt like they were about 98% salt and 2% corn chip molecules. I felt like a monkey on a Discovery Channel program, munching on a salt lick, about to be set loose to find the secret monkey freshwater pond. I downed my root beer on the first chip and was left with my lips sweating for another 2 hours as I sat through-and otherwise enjoyed-the surprisingly long kid's show. When I got out, I drained the water cooler of all its water and then jumped in the mall's penny fountain and drained that next, then used all the pennies to buy more beverage.
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| Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beef jerky |
| 11.18.04 (1:09 pm) [edit] |
Ever since Old Wisconsin tragically decided to stop making their beef jerky line and instead concentrate on 'meat products' such as these lame little sausage link things and kielbasas, I have been without a beef jerky.
Sure, there is always that Bridgeford kind at Wal Mart. But it's not very consistent, and it's kind of buttery sometimes, and it's at Wal Mart, which has turned from a friendly neighborhood shopping center into Ghetto R Us, where people pay for their items with no less than 7 different methods of payment, all for the same transaction. Food stamps, cash, check, gift certificates, pennies, crack, it's all there. But I digress.
The good news is that I have finally fallen in love with a new beef jerky, which, of course, is only available at only one place in this city of 1.2 million: my corner gas station, and nowhere else. I took a chance on him, and I fell in love. Maybe it was his strong jaw or the assuring look in his eyes. Maybe it was his rugged shirt and trusty axe. I don't know. All I know is that Trail's Best is the beef jerky for me. I would tell the rest of you to buy it, but then there would be less for my consumption, and we can't have that.
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| Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful girl..... |
| 11.17.04 (9:50 am) [edit] |
As promised, we said we would post real pictures of the newborn baby. Below is newborn baby Mia and Liberty's Kids own Matt.
 
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| The World's Worst Trade |
| 11.16.04 (5:50 am) [edit] |
The other day at work, my friend B65 came into my office and was telling me a story that has been amusing me for the last five days
He has his boat listed online locally to sell. Now this is a nice boat, later model, maybe a 1997 and worth a good amount of money. If anyone is interested, they email him with their interests or offers.
That day he had received and email from someone stating their interest in his boat and listed a number of items they too had for sale to see if he would like to trade his boat for any of the following. Below, are pictures of those items for sale. At first he just sent them an email saying "no thank you, I would just like to sell my boat." He then clicked on their ads to see what they had to offer and this is what he saw:
 
At that point he was so mad he sent an email back to them stating "Am I on a hidden camera show? What are you thinking?"
So if there is anyone out there with a new boat, and you would like to trade it in for a 1975 blazer with a plow on the front, let us know. We can point you in the right direction.
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| The sound of inevitability |
| 11.15.04 (1:32 pm) [edit] |
Well, sadly, the day has arrived. We didn't think we would have to resort to this but I'm afraid even the Liberty's Kids have mouths to feed. Regretfully, financial constraints have forced us to welcome a sponsor to the site to defray some of the animation and intensely professional and sophisticated 3-D modeling costs that go into our cartoons.
We hope this process will go smoothly and will be as non-jarring as possible. To make an attempt to ease into this, we have chosen a sponsor that you kids out there will be able to relate to. Please welcome our new sponsor, NEOsporin-the only first aid antibiotic cream endorsed by Thomas Anderson. Guaranteed to help slo-mo bullet wounds and wire fighting chafing wounds heal on contact!
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| scatterbrain |
| 11.15.04 (8:46 am) [edit] |
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it sucks to be posting over such a good cartoon. but we must press forward. i'll start by a short story fellow liberty's kid, liberty belle told me. it went something like. "i bought some new socks, and they still haven't molded to my feet. so i have lumps in my socks." i responded to that great, entertaining, interesting, non time wasting story with something like. "i don't tie my shoes, so i ended up stepping on my shoelaces and now they're frayed on the ends." these are the kind of conversations that i have regularly, i wish i didn't. well, as everyone knows the other day my mock band, the magic fingers packed up and took our act to the streets of salt lake city. we ended up making $12.50 and freezing to death. well, we were bored on saturday so me and a non magic finger, the magic coco took our act to the streets cuz well, we rocked in practice. we wrote down a setlist and descended on the streets under the name of the scatterbrains. we couldn't play as long as we wanted, only like 20 minutes. but we made $1.38 and a business card. that's where the story is. this guy drops in this business card that say s XANGO on it. "do ya know what xango is?" he asks me as i strum. "ummm no." i say. he ends up telling me about this slurry that's imported from china cuz the xango fruit can't be imported due to a fruit fly. and that all the big money was in the xango slurry. "i'll tell me friends." i replied to the crazy, sad man. and now you know. he walked away and we played a song about being superstitious and a crazy guy.
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| Little Drummer Hoax |
| 11.14.04 (3:18 pm) [edit] |
Those of you who know me know that I hate things that never happened or were never said. Ask me sometime about that Footprints poem that everyone loves, or the quote attributed to Christ that says "I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it." (I'm surprised they haven't attributed "Sucks to be you" to Him yet...)
Recently, I've been cranking the Christmas tunes and have noticed the song I've taken for granted all my life, "Little Drummer Boy," is a work of pure fantasy. Nowhere in the book of Luke does it state, amongst the newborn Christ Child and the visitation of the magi, a lame little drummer boy who favored our Lord and Savior with a jazzy drum solo.
What's more, the song states "The Ox and Lamb kept time, pa-rum-pa-pah-pum." First of all, that's ridiculous. The ox and lamb didn't join in the song, which didn't happen in the first place. Second of all, the little drummer boy himself would keep time, being, you know, the DRUMMER and everything. He has no need of anyone to 'keep time' for him, because it's HIS job to keep time!
So now we have a fictional boy playing a drum solo, and livestock kicking in to this mixed-species band that has the most complete rhythm section of anyone in the world. Who are they-Primus? Are the camels gonna bust out the bass guitar next?
Finally, you're Mary, you've just given birth in a manger. Your baby is tired, it's late, it's been a big night. Some little boy shows up and wants to PLAY THE DRUMS? There's no way. Joseph would have hurled the drum over the fence with his little shepherd crook thing.
I hate things that never happened!
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| I can't draw |
| 11.11.04 (4:16 pm) [edit] |
OK I can't draw, but need to post this blog congratulating fellow Liberty Kid Matt on the birth of his 2nd born, a little girl named Mia or possibly Mya or Miya. She's apparently much cuter than this picture. If we coax him enough he may actually post some real pix on here soon. Congratulations Matt & Niki!
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| dreaming of you |
| 11.09.04 (7:57 am) [edit] |
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i'm sort of known for having the world's most messed up dreams. like the other night i had a dream where i was accused of shoplifting this crappy suit and i was using swear words i didn't even know existed. those are the kind of dreams i have, except they're usually way more violent. well, i think i might have had the strangest one yet. now, this coulda been the nyquil or the fact i'm still sick or whatever. but i remember this part in my dream where john travolta and myself were riding on a motorcycle, and i guess john travolta being a pilot and all, we started flying. so we're on the flying motorcycle (which was way fun, i gotta get me one) and there were stealth bombers flying around us shooting lasers with all these bright colors. and the star wars theme music was playing. john and i flew into the empire's base and i had to lay down some cover fire with my freakin sweet gun while john breeched the perimeter. we ended up killin this big scary worm guy and getting out of the base. why did this all happen? i don't know. the dream then morphed into me going to different grocery stores looking for laundry detergent. and yes, i found a sweet deal at 39 cents a box. sorry if i've scared anyone.
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| What did you name it? "Breakdancing Detergent." |
| 11.07.04 (6:33 am) [edit] |
I know the first two rules of Wal Mart are 'Don't buy the clothes.' Unfortunately, I've been looking for a windbreaker with a stripe on it to replace the hideous one I bought at Burlington Coat Factory earlier this year and found the exact match at Wal Mart. Save for srunchy wrists, which I am endeavoring to correct via surgically removing the elastic band sewn into the lining, it was the exact right coat. Just the right size, color and style.
The only problem is, it smells like Wal Mart.
I didn't notice it at first-I would take my dogs out or run to the store and just think the entire world was beginning to smell musty and cheap. Eventually I narrowed the smell down to me, and wondered aloud if my house was in desperate need of a good hosing down. I recently gave the home a good hosing down, and the world still smelled bad. I have now zeroed in on one cluprit-the windbreaker.
So now the world smells like Wal Mart to me and I don't know what to do. Some people have said to wash it but I don't have luck with washing things that are made of special material. What if I goober it up or the washing machine makes it come out intensely wrinkly or shrunken or warped? You can't iron windbreaker material. All I can do is mix the coat with my other clothes and hope by sheer numbers alone that the other clothes can overpower it. Either that, or all my clothes will smell like Wal Mart. Crap...
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| What Men don't know about Women's Bathrooms.... |
| 11.04.04 (1:12 pm) [edit] |
Years ago I used to work for a company that obviously had men’s and women’s bathrooms, like all good hearted companies do. One day the men in the office were asked that they start using one of the women’s bathrooms for a few days, because the men’s bathroom was messed up, and being fixed. We reluctantly started slowly but surely going through with this deed. Then, the day I decided to swallow my pride and use the “women’s” restroom I saw something that would change my life forever. Well, not really. But it was interesting for me to find out that the women’s bathroom had this nice, huge, comfortable couch in the bathroom. Not only was there an expensive couch in the bathroom, but the women’s bathroom was carpeted and had pictures and plants hung up on the wall. After the week was over, all the men in the office were demanding such pampering be bestowed upon them, which was gleefully denied. So we went back to using our smelly, cracked, and cockroach infested bathroom.
So recently I was walking down the hall of where I currently work. Someone I work with came out of the women’s bathroom. She immediately said “hi,” and when I turned to say hi to her, I noticed in the corner of my eye, the woman’s restroom door closing, and in the “foyer” of the restroom there were two women sitting on a couch talking. I didn’t know that the bathroom was an area for conversation, but I guess I was wrong. So it brings me to wonder why us guys aren’t allowed at least a contraption that sprays a nice scent in the air, rather than just the little pink pea cakes in the urinal. I understand that all of us are these big burly lumberjack types, but at some point it gets to you when you’re dodging unknown liquids all over the floor, with a pinch of cockroaches. Maybe one day, maybe one day!
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| Things that disappear.....annually |
| 11.02.04 (9:25 am) [edit] |
I've been threatened that if I don't blog today, some bad bad things will happen. Not necessarily to me, but they will happen.
Last night I put up my Christmas tree. However, I searched and searched but was unable to find my decorations for my tree. This was disturbing to me in that my apartment is not that big and being the minimalist that I am, everything is organized, and there are not many places to put things. Eggs Benedict kept throwing out suggestions of where things may be, one place being the kitchen cupboards. Which seemed absurd, but I checked anyway on the off chance I was having a crazy person moment when I put the decorations away last year.
So now the question is, how long do I wait before I give up on searching for the decorations and buy new ones? I give myself til the end of the day......
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| ghosts and politics |
| 11.01.04 (1:41 pm) [edit] |
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hello there. sorry for the lack of posting and stuff, i really just care about my own experiences more. hey i'm just kidding. stop looking at me like that. so last night 3 out of 5 libertys kids went out ghost hunting. we were armed with tape recorders, a digital camera, and a video camera. very fancy stuff. we totally snuck into this old burned down broken beat up building to investigate. eggs benedict claims to have seen a demon specter dog. i claim to have frozen my feet off. i think mine is more believable. we have pix somewhere... yeah. no signs of ghosts really but it was fun. after the broken down building we hit up the old cemetary downtown. we didn't stay there long cuz it was really late at night and let's face it, most of us are too old to stay up chasing demons. so we went home, exhilirated and quite tired, only to wake up a few hours later the next day for some awesome work. yes we all love work. also, election day is tomorrow and i'm sure most of the liberty's kids encourage people to go and vote. but ONLY if yer not an idiot. you can vote if you actually know what the crap yer voting for. none of this "anybody but so and so." crap. or stuff like "he's this party, so i'm automatically voting opposite." at least listen to what everybody has to say and make yer educated crappy vote. i really don't care if you vote, in fact. don't. just stay away from it all together. we can let the liberty's kids informed voters decide who's in charge for the next 4 years! i'd make a great secretary of coolness.
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